What happens when we are faced with a loss? The writings of famed psychotherapist Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross outline a process of grieving that offers a general guideline for recognizing stages or varieties of psychological response that people exhibit when reacting to loss. These reactions appear when people are faced with loss in a variety of forms. Loss of a job, a child, a parent, a partner, or a sense of one's own security, status, and well-being can trigger this grieving process. Anything that upsets the status quo can be experienced as a loss. This includes gaining knowledge or experience that shatters one's existing belief systems or perceptions of how things are.

In the Kubler-Ross model, introduced in her 1969 book On Death And Dying, there are five stages of grief which are described. The stages described by Kubler-Ross were initially seen in people's response to impending death. She then expanded this model to apply to other forms of loss and grief. The stage that is seen as being likely to appear first is the reaction of denial. This would likely evolve into anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. Acceptance is seen as the psychologically mature stage of handling loss. The prior stages are natural, normal responses seen throughout the population, but remaining stuck too long in those stages of response to loss is unhealthy. If we are not accepting life as it is then we keep ourselves stuck in the past. If that occurs, then we can become immobilized and unable to engage fully in new experiences, new relationships, and new opportunities to create love and joy. Not everyone goes through all of the stages outlined in the Kubler-Ross model, and one may vacillate between different stages while in the process of coping with loss.

Denial can appear in a variety of ways. In cases of abuse, denial can be exhibited as refusing to acknowledge that abuse exists. This occurs in many families where physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse occur. The denial can be so well-developed that people creates amnesic barriers in their mind to keep from recalling the abuse experiences. This occurs also on a societal level where the masses often maintain denial about the abusive nature of systems of power and control. Nazi Germany is a frequently cited example, although American history is also quite full of corrupt and inhuman actions by the ruling elites which many Americans continue to deny.

Denial can also be expressed as acting as though the loss hasn't happened. Someone who loses their job may be seen spending money as if they were still earning their previous income. Someone who has lost a family member may be seen maintaining the deceased person's belongings as if the person were still alive. A parent who's spouse has left may tell his/her child that the other parent has just gone on a trip and will return. Denial can even appear as attacking and denouncing anyone who says things that challenges your existing beliefs or viewpoint. That is the "kill the messenger" reaction which occurs when people don't wish to hear the truth and project anger toward the one who speaks the truth. Once one chooses to face the truth/reality then they are moving past denial and can begin to face their anger or other emotions that arise regarding the loss.

Anger is an emotion that occurs when a person feels victimized by others or by life's circumstances. The perspective that generates anger is the belief that one's own emotions and self-worth are dependent upon external factors. If these weren't somehow dependent upon or influenced by external factors then no one could harm you or cause you to feel bad. Those who don't seek to blame others for their feelings of sadness or distress will likely experience depression. Depression is a feeling that can be likened to having one's spirit drained. It is often associated with a feeling of hopelessness, a disconnection or withdrawal from life (rather than enthusiasm for life). Rising beyond depression involves learning to see life in a different way, seeing beyond the reactions of the limited human self and embracing a higher spiritual perspective that gives new meaning and inspiration to fuel the human journey.

Life is a continuing process of transformation and evolution. When our existing sense of comfort and stability is shattered we can fall into despair or clutch at illusions that offer temporary consolation or relief. We may also work through the challenges and lessons that are provided by life and rise to a higher level of awareness and understanding. We may benefit by having compassion toward one another as we navigate the journey of life and the inevitable emotional tides of life.